I Hate Brangelina

I enjoy a good conspiracy theory like you don’t know. I also have some sort of affinity for stars, space and the outer realms. So you’ll understand why I ‘ve made a pointed connection between Angelina Jolie, James Haven(her bro), and with all things astral.

James Haven(angie’s brother), is on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C. , to spread good cheer and support to stop AIDS and malaria (where does THAT weird coupling come from?). He’s trying to get support for these causes , coupled with support for “Global Action For Children”, which haven serves on the board of directors (unbelievable!). He’s also a youth pastor for Saddlebrook church, which is an evangelical church based in
Southern California , run by Rick Warren, the author of ‘ Purpose -Driven Life ‘ (equally unbelievable!).

It appears that in an effort to get more recognition for haven, Ok! Magazine wrote the article, complete with his picture. Now , I don’t mean to make fun of anyone because of their looks, especially with my looks! But, as this column’s title describes, I’ve got
to make some peculiar connections to Mr. haven and outer space… he looks like a space alien! I can’t help it, the resemblance is uncanny. If you take his huge, egg shaped head, along with his huge, slanted eyes. And of course, you toss in his vanishing hairline , his translucent skin. Yikes! it becomes more and more apparent that he’s not of this world.

Of course to a lesser degree, but still in second place, is Jolie. But back to haven. It must be hard for an older brother to take a back seat to his younder sister, but Mr. Haven has done an admirable job of being unselfish, and totally LOVING his sister. Love is what drives these two (”our love is natural and it’s sad that others don’t understand!’ - eye roll- oy! !).

Now for the conspiracy theory. I believe that these two are going to ingratiate themselves SO COMPLETLY into the consciousness of mankind, that we’ll actually think that:

1. Jolie wasn’t a “flying wedge between Pitt and
Aniston;

2. James Haven isn’t the weirdest dude ever and

3. Brad Pitt is happy.

rel="nofollow" title="Teletubbies">Teletubbies 

“When the Moon is in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligns with mars….”
So goes that wonderful planetary , astrological song. What the heck am I saying ? Don’t quite know, but I’ll try to make sense out of it.

I went to the ivillage.com website and took a look at their astrology section. There’s all these sections that you click on , so I clicked on
the celebrity couples. Whose one of the first couple’s listed? Give up?……..Really? The brangelina!-

Madame jolie born June 4, 1975 and Herr pitt- born December 18, 1963. You want to know what’s sad?, I’m older than both of these two , but NOT older than both of them combind . (Ain’t that old!)

Let’s see what I’ve gleaned from this infamous pair’s nativities.
brad’s merc. is opposite angie’s sat.. angie’s mars is conjunct brad’s jup.;
angie’s sun squares brad’s uranus ( hee, hee!); brad’s plut. squares jolie’s sun. jolie’s sun trines pitt’s nep.; pitt’s ven. is opposite jolie’s ven.;
But both pitt and jolie’s mars square each other.

What does all this mean? I don’t know but it sounds serious, doesn’t it? Oh well, here’s some pics to offer proof of my insistance that
pitt and jolie are NOT of this world ( maniacal laughter).
p.s- don’t forget to hum the “Lost In Space” theme
song.